Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kenulv's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
11:57 pm	Take a moment to think friends. Have you experienced anything memorable in your life, to the point where you would go back in time to tell your younger self that you would ultimately achieve a goal you had set out? Think about it...We create our own history every day, so take every chance you get to live. Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 21st, 2011
4:59 pm	Whoa, first post in a long time! I thought I was locked out of my account. Well, tis now October 2011. It's been a hell of a year so far. 8 months since the last post. Well I'm still with Meghan, still at Towson University. Since February I've seen many shows, got another tattoo, made more mead, switched majors, made awesome friends, and more. I started my own celtic doom metal project, for which ideals are flowing nicely. Later this year I'll hopefully see Mayhem next month, then Korpiklaani and Arkona (in their first ever American tour) in December! I hope it all works out. More to come! Current Mood: content (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 8th, 2011
5:32 pm	Well now! Long time since the last post! Oh my... Anyways, it's the second semester of the year, meaning I chose to stay here and try to finish up my Bachelor's. Anyways, I got me a girlfriend over the break. We became friends last fall and began hanging out more and more, and decided to over the break too. Luckily for us, her family just moved to Frederick with is only a 40 minute drive or so away. After some visits, our feelings were revealed and then we began :) Name is Meghan btw, and she appears to be the manifestation of the opposite of what my ex's were collectively: very low self esteem, high depression, mental insanity, or being brainwashed by religion. So it's nice to have a girl who is confident, happy, sane, free-thinking, and not to mention cool and funny as hell! I also got myself a bouzouki over the holidays! Greek style too...hopefully this can add a fire to the ensemble and take us in fun new directions. Other than that, not much is new, though one of my best friends is coming to Maryland next Friday to see Immortal and Absu with me! This will be our first in person meeting and I am very excited as one could imagine. That's about it for now, so enjoy some Celtic music today since I am! Current Mood: good (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 31st, 2010
5:35 pm	The end of October Feels like a while since my last update. What's new? Well, I began to love myself again, and gave up on girl quest for a while, since nothing ever happens. So life is more enjoyable now that I gave up depression, and since the weather is just lovely outside. I also started a gypsy/jazz band with a neighbor and a friend from school. We're called "The Dandolin Free Balling Ensemble". I do mandolin and guitar, my friend Mike does guitar, and our friend Alex plays violin. We mesh pretty well I'd say. We have played an open mic night, at which I feel we played really well :) We got asked back to play on November 26th, so we need a good bit more material. My bandmate Mike wants more covers, but I am trying to push original material as well. I need to familiarize myself more with various forms of gypsy music, which Mike can "jazzify" to create a fusion sound. I also had my Gwar virginity broken at the beginning of the month. It was kind of how I expected it to be, except I had no space to move and got drenched in fluids much more than I expected XD However, I would like to get more serious about school and start kicking ass. I'm not doing so hot now, but I can reverse it and finish up the semester strong if I give it my all. That's about it for now. Happy Samhain to all and be safe! Current Mood: bored (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 25th, 2010
5:14 pm	Been a while It's been a while since my last entry huh? Well I made the move to Towson last month and just got internet in my apartment this past Tuesday haha. Took a while, but I have it. Anyways, I started going to Towson, and some cool shit has happened. Before the semester started, I saw Skeletonwitch and Kataklysm open for Devildriver with my good buddy Doc and his drummer. It was Doc's and my second time seeing Skeletonwitch, and their lead guitarist remembered us from the last show, which I thought was really cool. I also befriended (amongst others) a man who sells hot dogs outside the building most of my classes are in. I just started playing mandolin and we bonded over rock music, folk music, and just playing instruments. I get free hot dogs, drink, and the occasional ride home from him when he packs up early. Nice! I also got to see Iced Earth again, this time with a VIP ticket. They were in much better form than the last time I saw them, especially Barlow, who did not show any signs of fatigue this time. The meet and greet was fun too, and they guys were very nice. Never bad to see your 2nd favorite band live AND meet them :) Sadly, no women have come my way, and I've been rejected once or twice. I'm really not surprised, so dealing with it is not hard. I just immerse myself in music. Speaking of which, despite me meeting some cool metal musicians, my main thing as of late has been gypsy music. I've been into it for about a year now, but lately it's really been picking up. I've written some more music in this vain, and am trying to acquire a sitar and bouzouki for the project. They sell a sitar in the nearby town on Catonsville, and a friend of mine in Virginia claims a shop near her sells bouzoukis, specifically the Greek version (the version I am trying to procure). With luck, I may get one or both of these and begin writing. My neighbors across the hall are from Sri Lanka and India, and will teach me to play sitar, and I think I can figure out bouzouki. Speaking of all this, I saw a band at the Renaissance Festival that I had been waiting to see for a bit, and learned they would be at the fest. It was the most mesmerizing music performance I have ever seen. Beautiful music, a sexy gypsy woman singing and dancing, plus a beer and other shit made it just amazing :D A video beneath to show the band, called Wine and Alchemy. I also decided that when I leave Towson University (with or without a diploma), I want to become a nomad and just move around for a while. No real rules, just traveling, learning, and experiencing. I may even get dreadlocks when it all happens, we'll see! Current Mood: bored (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 15th, 2010
2:31 am	No Despite my life getting less depressing lately, here I sit again, not happy. I've been a metalhead for 8-9 years now. It's been my dream to be in a real metal band that is active in rehearsals, shows, and possibly recording. Every metal band I attempted to be in/play with lasted no more than two practices or less. I see friends forming/joining such bands with ease, and some are going far, opening for national/international acts. Very discouraging, and it's making me feel useless. My guitar playing also is not improving much. It hasn't much at all lately, and it's really bringing me down. I should be getting better, but I'm not. I want to be the best I can be, and if I have hit that mark, what's the point in continuing to play? And this is part of what my major will be. Guess I need to convince myself to keep playing. I want so much to be in a band, but I guess I don't want it bad enough or I am just not good enough to be in one. My loneliness is never ending as well it seems. I just can't for the life of me attract any woman at all around me. It makes me feel like a fucking repulsive piece of shit. All my qualities don't seem to be attractive to women at all. I guess I have to be a mindless, trend following asshole to attract women. I do hope going to Towson changes my view on all this. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 5th, 2010
12:38 am	It's saddening how someone says they like you a lot, even love you...and then they get a significant other, then don't talk to you at all. Even more so when it happens to you several times in a year. Current Mood: bored (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 21st, 2010
1:47 am	Love? It's become apparent to me lately that I don't love myself. I've been drinking a lot and not in good ways. I will buy whiskey and it will be gone within a day or two, and 6 packs of beer are gone in one night. My smoking habits are worsening too: where as I used to buy a pack every 3-4 days, I now go through a pack in a day or two. I haven't been exercising much and I've been neglecting meditation. I need to change this or bad things will happen. On the upside, I joined a pool league some weeks ago. I started going to a bar an old co-worker played at. At first it was just because he would never hang out with anyone at work, and being the only one at work who was 21 (at the time) AND willing to go out, I went to say I hung out with him and make others feel jealous XD But I was very quickly drawn to the atmosphere and the people there. Even though it's a sports bar, the people were very cool, down to earth, and easy to talk to. We'd have beers, and I would occasionally get to play pool after the league was done. Months passed, and it became a weekly thing for me. Soon enough, I was told I should join the league, so I did. I have currently won 3 matches and lost 2 so far. My pool skills have increased considerably, and I can only get better from here on out. Another thing that's been bugging me...I hear so many different stories of people traveling and having a blast. I've not traveled much at all. I've been out of the country, but it was usually with my family or with a group. The only place I've traveled to all alone, and that I payed for all alone was Minnesota. My plan for this fall was to travel, mainly to California to see my friend Scarlett and have a nice, relaxing vacation, but I unexpectedly got accepted to Towson and have to go this fall. I would really rather travel and learn that way right now. I really hope i can travel someday... Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 9th, 2010
2:23 am	Agitation I was in Manassas tonight with Miquela, and we went to Hooters for a few minutes with her supposed best friend, her man, her brother and mother. Upon being introduced, said best friend's mother asked me if I was Mormon too, to which Miquela responded "No he's a Pagan". She asked what a Pagan was, and Miquela's best friend said "it's one of those non existent religions". This infuriated me, and I told her "I'm trying very hard to not raise a certain finger at you right now". It was a half joke, but at the same time it was serious. I don't care who dumb you are, or how much you've had to drink; there are some things you just don't say. Current Mood: annoyed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 20th, 2010
2:30 am	Word So first! Maryland Death Fest! One of the biggest festivals in the country, and apparently one of the most popular in the world. I needed this weekend badly, after the semester I had. I made cherry mead for the weekend, and consumption of said drink was the first thing that happened when I arrived. I met up with my friend Jessa, and we went back to a hotel room where my buddy Rich from VA was. I met some cool folks, some names being Kara, Steve and Josh. We had mead, vodka and just fucked around. Next was actually getting into the festival, and the first thing I did was have a shot of Jameson with Kara, who bought a long island iced tea which we shared. Needless to say, this got me pretty messed up XD I recall seeing Malignancy, who were awesome of course. They requested skinned knees and bruised elbows, the former of which I got XD Got to meet them afterwards, and cool guys they are. The rest of the 1st night is a blur of metal, cigarettes and beer. Gorguts was of interest, possibly because of this being one of the first shows they've played in a while. The highlight of the night was the last band, the legendary DRI. There was a circle pit the whole set, and I was crowd surfing anytime I wasn't moshing. Met some badass people, some of whom helped me up for crowd surfing a lot. I met up with some friends from New York, and we hung out with a guy from Asphyx After that, Jessa, Rich and I went back to the room to drink more, then I took Jessa to her apt, where I stayed the night, albeit on the floor. Oh! And somehow, I was able to hold onto a vinyl I bought the whole time, which I moshed and crowd surfed with (lots of people gave me props for that). Day 2: Woke up with 4-5 hours of sleep, then drove to Timonium to meet up with my friend Chris Maski. We brushed up, had some lunch, then hit the festival. Again, partial blur of the day, but I remember drinking far less, sticking mainly to beer and mead. We watched Impaled, who were very tight, but this caused us to miss Sadistic Intent/Possessed >: ( Oh well, can't win them all. We also saw a Norwegian Doom band called Obliteration, which I especially liked for some reason. The Chasm was next, and I met and hung out with the frontman who signed a cd of theirs I bought I met a Norwegian woman who spent the whole weekened in just a bra and pants, which was cool haha. Total Fucking Destruction was awesome as shit too. Their drummer really looks wild when playing. Melechesh was one of the bands I was most interested in seeing, and I was fortunate enough to make the 2nd row. They put on an awesome set, and I got some decent video footage. I got to meet a friend I made online in person, Marisol, which was awesome too. Another band I was very anxious to see was Incantation, a band I've always had a soft spot for. Sadly I didn't get to get real close, but it's all good. The band of the night and the whole weekend came on: Autopsy. They reunited to play Death Fest, which ruled. Their set was just incredible, with wild pits and crowdsurfing. Unfortunately, when Charred Remains came on (last song), I went to mosh and lost my camera (the fourth thing of mine I lost that weekend). After searching and running into my friend Eric, I gave up and left with Chris for my friend Doc's apt. Then! I found out a whole bottle of my mead spilled in the car, making a fucking mess. Day 3: Woke up with again, 4-5 hours of sleep. After a shower, Doc was able to get off work for the day so he could join us. By this time, my voice was dying, but still I smoked cigs and drank! Beer was the first thing on the list for us. First up for the day was Krallice, which was interesting to say the least. We stayed for this band called Gorod, a French tech death band who was very impressive. Whilst walking around, a guy I'd never seen before came up to me, and claimed he found my camera. He got my phone number, and said he'd be back in a little bit. Necrophobic was the next band we saw, and this was another band I'd been looking forward to seeing greatly. This was actually their first EVER show in the United States. And goddamn, what a set they put on. Very impressive. Pestilence was the next band I saw. They were to play last year, but couldn't get into the states. They too were quite good, and very heavy. Donna, 3 people I met and I got a soul/hump train going on XD Very odd but we had a blast. The guy who found my camera (named Dan too), called me up, and we tried to find each other, which failed until a girl came up to me and took me to him, and to my happiness I saw my camera, in the shape I last saw it in. Turns out he went to Full Sail also, and is in a band called Nailshitter (which I have heard of). We chilled for a bit then went off. I ran into the Norwegian woman again, and we chatted for a bit before I went over to see Entombed. Honestly they did not impress me very much, and weren't too amazing, so I left to go to the other stage and ready myself for Obituary, the headliner of that the last day. Now these guys were much better to watch than Entombed. My camera died at the end of the set, but I got some good pics in. So yeah...awesome weekend. I needed it badly, and it was better than last year. I walked away with 4 cds: Pestilence-Malleus Maleficarum; Drudkh-Forgotten Legends, Demigod-Let Chaos Prevail and The Chasm-Farseeing the Paranormal Abysm; a Leprosy patch, an Incantation patch, a vinyl of the Cannabis Corpse album Tube of the Resinated, A MDF 2010 shirt, A Severed Survival shirt, and a Darkness Descends shirt (which blew me away upon seeing it, as I have wanted a shirt of that album for years). There is probably more but I forgot XD But the best things I got from the weekend was being in a place where I was surrounded by my brethren, new friends, and great relaxation from the world. I can't wait for MDF 9 next year. Current Mood: good (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 11th, 2010
11:36 am	It would be nice to feel I am a good looking guy. I'm tired of feeling like a hideous piece of shit all the time. This is really getting old. Current Mood: crappy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 24th, 2010
3:18 am	:D Well, I may be a little late, but I finally got my associate's degree :) It's nice knowing that even though I went through a lot of crap this past semester, that one positive, lasting thing came out of it. I meant this week to be a recovery period for me, and this is a good way to start it off I must say. Current Mood: pleased (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 18th, 2010
12:42 pm	This song pretty much describes how I've felt the last few months Bury me softly in this womb I give this part of me for you Sand rains down and here I sit Holding rare flowers In a tomb...in bloom Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved See my heart I decorate it like a grave You don't understand who they Thought I was supposed to be Look at me now a man Who wont let himself be Down in a hole, feelin so small Down in a hole, losin my soul Id like to fly, But my wings have been so denied Down in a hole and they've put all The stones in their place Ive eaten the sun so my tongue Has been burned of the taste I have been guilty Of kicking myself in the teeth I will speak no more Of my feelings beneath Down in a hole, feelin so small Down in a hole, losin my soul Id like to fly but my Wings have been so denied Bury me softly in this womb Oh I want to be inside of you I give this part of me for you Oh I want to be inside of you Sand rains down and here I sit Holding rare flowers (oh I want to be inside of you) In a tomb...in bloom Oh I want to be inside... Down in a hole, feelin so small Down in a hole, losin my soul Down in a hole, feelin so small Down in a hole, outta control I'd like to fly but my Wings have been so denied Current Mood: depressed (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 9th, 2010
1:37 am	Ears Is there anyone out there who actually cares to listen to what someone else has to say? It seems like everyone cares only about what they have to say, and no one else. It's encouraging to see people using their ears instead of the mouths...URG. Listen for a change people. You may learn something. Current Mood: annoyed (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 22nd, 2010
12:15 pm	In a drunken frustration I wrote a mini essay Mainstream society. It means different things for many people. Some see it as a means of life dictation. Others see it as a phenomenon that is of great influence to many a life. But some see it with darker, more cynical eyes. Some see mainstream society as a tool of enslavement and ignorance; as something we desperately need to liberate ourselves from. Said society has many subtle brainwashing mechanisms. It tells us what to wear, how to look, what to eat, and what to think. In society's eyes, the mentality of the sheep is prominent. We're told that if you don't believe in what is being promoted, then we are "uncool". The media likes to tell us what to believe, and many follow without question. While some say ignorance is bliss, this is not entirely true. Some of the things promoted by mainstream society include consumerism, materialism, the mentality of the sheep. Wisdom and being a leader is nowhere to be seen, as is creating your own set of beliefs regardless of what people tell you. Being different is almost stigmatic in this society. This is evident in how many who do not follow mainstream seem to be shunned or thought of as "weird". This "weird" I speak of is not only healthy to the brainwashed mind, but it is of vital importance. To really understand the world, one must look at it from a view that is not conditioned from birth. The mainstream outlook on life is dominated by vanity, narrow mindedness and an overall lack of willing to change/break down the paradigm we are spoon food. The paradigm must be broken to realize truths outside of what is being shown. Many of these so-called "truths" are not even truths at all. It's easy for one to believe in the mainstream, but it's harder to think for yourself, to create your own spirituality/standards of living. What is right some may ask? Right is whatever you make it to be. Organized religion is an agent of mainstream society to an extent. Many right path religions encourage the mentality of the sheep, as opposed to being the shepard. Following blindly is one of many thing both organized religion and mainstream society have in common. Such a mind set can be dangerous. What if you allow yourself to follow a philosophy that masquerades as a fallacy? How does one know if they are following a fallacy? Intuition is the answer. Many of lost connection to a moral stance of how life works. Few are in touch with their intuition, another thing the mainstream society seems to be against. What saddens this writer is that we are not taught how to be in connection with our intuition from birth. Such a thing is rarely even mentioned nowadays. Intuition is the best guide, and based on experience, this observer can honestly say that a clear intuition is flawless in it's direction towards a truly good way of life. This "good" changes for many people. There is no absolute right or wrong in the world; it's all what we make it. Again, it must be pointed out that many who have "liberated" themselves are seen with dirty looks and even contempt. Yet many of those people have connected with a wisdom that is long lost on those who are not of the liberated mind. Those who have found one form of freedom often seek liberation in other forms. If one embraces a form of counter culture, then other forms seem more appealing, as do forms of wisdom. But this path to wisdom can come with a price too. It can bring pain and loneliness to those who commit themselves to this path. This is a test of those who seek liberation. The quest for liberation/freedom and wisdom requires one to distance themselves from a known comfort zone, until there is no longer a comfort zone and we stray into realms unheard of. Do we continue to feel the loneliness and pain of separation in order to learn all we can? But we are not alone. There are others who seek liberation. In no way is the path the same for everyone. All those who travel this path have something different to offer. An open mind is born when liberation occurs, and we must never lose sight of this. The open mind is a weapon against mainstream society. A willingness to understand instead of judge is what propels us into greater and greater realms of learning, knowing and ultimately, being. BE the wisdom that you know. Become a physical manifestation of that wisdom, so others may learn, and eventually ascend to greater levels of being/existence. BE a leader in the quest for greater knowledge of what makes us be. The wisdom of the universe is at our hands. All we've to do is make a simple decision: to liberate or not to liberate? Current Mood: Philosophical (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 21st, 2010
11:29 pm	It's funny how several people can tell you you're very attractive and you can still feel like the ugliest piece of shit on the planet. Current Mood: crappy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 30th, 2010
2:49 pm	On quitation Quitation=quitting. As far as smoking goes, it's not going well. I relapsed last week, and the only reason I'm not getting a pack of cigarettes today is that I don't have the money to buy them with. I really could not have picked a worse time to quit, and the temptation to smoke is not going away at all. I need to find something besides drinking that can take it's spot. I thought spring break was going to be a nice, relaxing break, but so far, not so much. On the plus side, I am getting into Melechesh a lot, and yesterday Eluveitie's new cd came in the mail, with a poster, necklace/amulet, and a bonus DVD with the cd. Yet material goods cannot stop the sadness that's looming above my life right now. Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 20th, 2010
2:12 am	So Miquela and I are done already. This occurred for various reasons: the biggest one being that she won't marry anyone who is not Mormon no matter what, but also because she's not emotionally ready for a relationship. But we are still close, and we still care about each other, so it's not so much a loss as a shift. We still hold hands/kiss/cuddle/all that, but we do it knowing it's just a very close friends (who like each other) thing, nothing more. While this is nice and all, it still makes me wonder why every girl I get close to/date has mental or emotional problems that prevent a relationship from happening or make a relationship very short. Another thing that can't be helped is distance. For me, it's been extremely low self esteem, maniacal depression, mental insanity, attachments to a previous interest, or a large distance. I see so many other people in long, seemingly healthy relationships, and it makes me wonder why I can't have that. I want to go for one girl I think is interested, but if not, I give up again. I don't like saying it, but seriously... For that matter, I don't think dumbasses should be allowed to procreate. Spring break is coming after this week, and it is sorely needed. I would love to go on a vacation out of state/country. I just want to get away from my job/schoolwork for a bit and just relax. My friend Scarlett invited me to Cali; while I haven't the money for a trip there, some time at the beach and with her sounds just awesome right now, and I don't even like the beach. But on the bright side, my bandmate and I are doing a lot as far as sound development goes. We record our jam sessions, and our sound is getting increasingly ethereal and otherworldly sounding. Given the environment we set, I've had out of body experiences whilst improving. It's very good meditation in a way. So the band is getting somewhere but my love life is probably always going to be weird and unsatisfying. Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 13th, 2010
5:42 pm	Damn A lot has happened since my last post it seems. I started seeing someone, a Mormon metalhead from Virginia, named Miquela. I met her at Heathenfest, but we started talking a month or two afterwards, just as friends, until she invited me to her house, and I found out why she REALLY wanted me there. It's odd seeing a Mormon, but she is amazing so far. She also helped me quit smoking for the most part. I've gone 16 days with only a few drags of a smoke. It's been hard as hell but I think the worst is behind me. I also saw Kreator and Voivod on the 3rd, with Miquela and our friend Gabby. I was pumped to see Lazarus AD, a band that impressed me at the Amon Amarth show I saw last year. However, we missed them as we arrived late. But! Another thrash band caught my attention: Evile. I yelled out Painkiller and he played it for me, which rocked. I hadn't heard them much before, but they impressed me. Nachtmystium was next, and they too eluded my ears until that night and they too impressed me. Miquela got angry at the mosh pit and created imbalance by standing in the middle so people wouldn't run into her. It was very ballsy and awesome, and she came back to me with an attitude of a person who just completed therapy. Voivod was next, and damn they put on an odd show. It was odd in a good way though. Spacey ambiance, a drunk singer, and just crazy music :) But then Kreator came. I hadn't seen this band before, and they did not disappoint. I got a video of Endless Pain and Pleasure to Kill. The even started off with arguably my favorite song of theirs: The Pestilence. I didn't think they would play it but they did. They didn't do Warcurse or Riot of Violence, which disappointed me, but I didn't care. They put on a solid set nonetheless. After the show Gabby, Miquela, a new friend and I went to try to see Kreator backstage, but they were nowhere to be found. We did see the bassist from Evile though, and we got him to sign some merch. He got the whole band out and we hung out with them for a good half hour or so, just talking metal, taking pictures and having a good time. Very nice, social, funny guys, who I intend to see again and next time drink with them. I needed a thrash fix, and this satisfied me well. So things are allright now, if stressful and whatnot. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 11th, 2010
11:02 pm	Condolences This is to my friends Anna and Scarlett. I know things are hard for you two, but I want you both to know that I love you. Things will get better. They really will. Current Mood: sad (2 Comments |Comment on this)